Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Teaching them the important things

This parenting thing is hard.  You do your best every day to teach them and guide them.  They are children.  They will make mistakes as they figure out this world.  That is the inevitable.

Nathan had a rough patch yesterday at school.  He has done so well there and really loves and respects his teacher and class.  But he wasn't in control of his body.  I think it is the meds he is on since his fever condition returned.  But there are no excuses.

When you get the call about a misbehavior, you need to figure out how to proceed.  My first thought was to take away his whole world and make him feel miserable.  Then I calmed down.  Instead, I left a front note on our door so when he got home he would see it right away.  My MIL was getting him off the bus.  The note expressed our disappointment and directed him to go to his room.  No wii.  No toys.  Books and coloring only.  When I got home, he was hysterically crying.  So I went to talk to him only to find out that he was crying for the wrong reasons.  Crying about the wii and no toys.  I felt like it was my responsibility to explain to him what he should be crying about...disappointing his teacher, disappointing us, hurting a friend, breaking the rules.  He started to apologize for those things, but it was still more about his losses.  How hard it was to stay calm and firm when I wanted to scream, "No way will you do that!"

So we continued the punishment.  And waited.  And a little bit after dinner he reached out to put his hands on his sister.  Did he not hear my words earlier, feel the punishment enough, learn the lesson?  So he went back into his room.  No show, no nightly family time.  When I went in to tuck him in, he said, "Mommy, I won't do that again.  I was a good listener in here tonight, right?  I missed my family."  And I knew then that he got it, heard my words, felt the punishment and learned the lesson.

I wanted him to feel guilty and sorry for most of the afternoon.  But then, when it was time for bed, I started to talk to him about forgiveness.  Sometimes we make mistakes and we have to be sorry.  But then we have to make a plan for next time and forgive ourselves.  We had a discussion about what forgiveness is and how to do it. 

And so, this parenting thing is hard.  But it is also worth every second.


  1. This is a really lovely post. Guess what? The parenting thing is hard...ONLY when you're doing it right! Good job! Not only is it worth every second but the years when they're young will fly by much quicker than you can imagine! Treasure every struggle and every joy that comes of it!
    I always enjoy my visits to your blog and seeing your beautiful work! Thank you!...Nancy :o)

  2. Gorgeous layout. Love the little hearts. Parenting is hard, but also the best thing ever.

  3. I'm with YOU, MOM-- this parenting is HARD! YOu did a super dooper job of making a great LO though!!! U are also doing a great job as a mom!!!

  4. you are so right parenting is so TOUGH!!! Sounds like you did a great job

    I love the LO - the photos are gorgeous

  5. Thank you for sharing that story. It's important to teach our children these things so that they grow up to be caring and responsible adults. The page you created is beautiful!

  6. I totally hear you... my son has ADHD and it has been a HUGE struggle since he was born... kicked out of daycares, suspensions, detentions.... good days, bad days, highs, lows, and most of that when I was dealing with him alone as a single Mom.... I totally hear ya...and sending a big {{{mom}}} hug your way!! I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that lo!!! The photos are soooooooooooo sweet and loving the design!!! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

  7. Yes, it is the way of parenting. It is never easy having to be the disciplinary. Love you layout, tender moments are so hard to come by with two rough and tumble boys. Great layout.

  8. Oh can be so rewarding and yet do difficult!! I loved the story that you shared with us!!!

    The LO is stunning..I adore the placement and the detail work!!!

    Wishing you a great one!!!

  9. Isn't parenting the hardest thing?! Oh my gosh! But yes, worth every minute.

  10. okay. so you brought tears to my eyes. you sound amazingly patient. i lack that as a parent sometimes and continually remind myself.

    i like the idea about talking to him about forgiveness

  11. love what you're writing here!!
    your pages are always stunners!! happy sunday, my dear!!

  12. I love this layout, Stacey! So older daughter is the same way, we've had to be so hard on her and still she doesn't get it sometimes, but hoping that she will get it some day. It's very hard to deal with sometimes. My younger one is the opposite - learns quickly and always wants to please. I don't know why or how they can be so different, but I have learned that it's nothing we did or didn't do as parents...that's just their personalities! :) I just wanted to stop in and say hi!


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