New Beginnings

Funny how life brings you to certain places, even when you least expect it.  I certainly was not expecting a phone call that day telling me that she was coming into the state and would like to see me.  I knew that opening that door that wide would make me have to look at some things.  Things buried deep inside.  It would leave me in a place to explain some things to my kids.  I went with it...stayed open.

By the following Wednesday it was confirmed and I explained to Nathan and Ella that I had a biological father that they never met.  End of the day, I barely met him.  I explained that he had passed away and that I have a sister from him.  They have an auntie they didn't know about.  They took it well as I think the understanding only goes so far...and their experience with aunties has been awesome so far. 

On Saturday, I waited anxiously for the doorbell to ring.  It did and I opened it with a willing heart.  I was shocked at how easy it was to meet her, her mom and their dear friend.  And the chatting began.  We are seriously alike.  Have similar interests.  She reminds me of me...serious about school, ready to settle down, wiser than her years, enthusiatic about the things that she loves.  I can tell she is the mommy of the group and I love that.  It must have been fun to watch the banter, the easy giggles.

At one point in the day, we had a more serious conversation.  Certain situations were explained to me and my eyes were opened.  I had the chance to see things in a different light.  Funny how we can create situations in our own minds.  Personalize and be hurt so easily.  I was justified to feel hurt and abandoned, forgotten.  But here is the thing, I am not justified in holding onto those feelings anymore.  Because some were explained.  Others were buffered.  I got the chance to see my biological father in a new light.  My sister is an amazing young woman.  I can tell she got her mother's outgoing personality and warmth.  But I am also sure that she got many great qualities from our father.  And for the first time in life, I realized that he must have done something right.  He gave one daughter a childhood and memories. 

And that brought me peace. 

I also had the chance to explain that I have a great "dad" who has loved me for as long as I remember.  I didn't miss out on that father/daughter relationship so my sister shouldn't worry about me resenting her.  I was very much loved.

I so admire my sister, Sara, for reaching out.  For having that bravery to go to the next level with our relationship.  It is a new start.  One that I am sooo grateful for.  It has already given me many gifts.

Do you see any resemblance?

Life...it is a crazy journey sometimes best traveled without a map.