Isn't life all just a mix of stuff? Some happy, some sad, I'm too bored, I'm too busy...I plan to mix it up in just a few days as I fly off to Florida to meet my ScrapStreet girlies! I miss them and can't wait to hang out! It will be weird to be away from the kids for 5 days, but I know they are in good hands with their Nana!
Funny how you can love being a mom but also crave that ME time where you get to wear a cute pair of rolled up jeans and halter top or a totally LC/The Hills-inspired long dress! It will be nice to mix it up!
I got happy mail today, receiving the new lines from Cosmo Cricket! I so love them and wish I had more time to play! I am sure that I will be dreaming up layouts the whole time I am away! Thanks Julie for sending them along!
So speaking of mixing it up, most days and moments I am happy. Yeah, I wake up cranky and get saturated by 7:20 p.m., but mostly I am happy. I do still have my moments though when I remember James and everything that happened with my sister. She is doing well, strong and yet I know she is sad and angry too. I see this look in her eyes and I wonder if it will ever go away.
I don't think it will ever go away for any of us. The other night, I happened to flip through the channels and see a woman giving birth--I felt physically ill and just lost it. I thought of Michelle and how she must relive that moment over and over. When listening to the radio, I am hit with waves of very strong emotion every time I hear the song Halo by Beyonce. I realize it is meant as a love song &, for me, it is too. Just in a different way.
The first time I heard it was when I was driving home from the hospital. I was about 25 minutes into the 40 minute drive and had been awake for 36 hours. I was numb and in the mist of tradegy and raw grief. Then...the song...it struck me! The lyrics. And I cried like a baby for the rest of the drive.
That experience with James changed me in such a powerful way. It knocked down every protective wall I had. When something that bad happens, you have no choice but to be open and exposed. When I got to hold him and experience the peace...I will never forget that face and that moment. Such a tiny soul made such a big change.
So, of course, I scrapped it. Because that is what I do. I downloaded the lyrics and printed them for the background. The journaling reads: Just 9 1/2 lbs. Only 7 days. But you had a profound effect on me. The walls are down forever.
It is healing to put this all on paper. To say "this happened" and here is how I feel about it. To have that good cry as you type out your blog post for the day. So I encourage you to do the same about something painful or scary. If you need more inspiration, visit Rebecca at her new blog Outside the Box! She asked if I wouldn't mind sharing my In Awe layout and I gladly agreed to. There are some other wonderful, real layouts up.
It reminds me that life is full of ups and downs, ranges of emotion.
It reminds me that this is much more than just paper.