Friday, July 24, 2009

A Mix of Stuff

Isn't life all just a mix of stuff? Some happy, some sad, I'm too bored, I'm too busy...I plan to mix it up in just a few days as I fly off to Florida to meet my ScrapStreet girlies! I miss them and can't wait to hang out! It will be weird to be away from the kids for 5 days, but I know they are in good hands with their Nana!

Funny how you can love being a mom but also crave that ME time where you get to wear a cute pair of rolled up jeans and halter top or a totally LC/The Hills-inspired long dress! It will be nice to mix it up!

I got happy mail today, receiving the new lines from Cosmo Cricket! I so love them and wish I had more time to play! I am sure that I will be dreaming up layouts the whole time I am away! Thanks Julie for sending them along!

So speaking of mixing it up, most days and moments I am happy. Yeah, I wake up cranky and get saturated by 7:20 p.m., but mostly I am happy. I do still have my moments though when I remember James and everything that happened with my sister. She is doing well, strong and yet I know she is sad and angry too. I see this look in her eyes and I wonder if it will ever go away.

I don't think it will ever go away for any of us. The other night, I happened to flip through the channels and see a woman giving birth--I felt physically ill and just lost it. I thought of Michelle and how she must relive that moment over and over. When listening to the radio, I am hit with waves of very strong emotion every time I hear the song Halo by Beyonce. I realize it is meant as a love song &, for me, it is too. Just in a different way.

The first time I heard it was when I was driving home from the hospital. I was about 25 minutes into the 40 minute drive and had been awake for 36 hours. I was numb and in the mist of tradegy and raw grief. Then...the struck me! The lyrics. And I cried like a baby for the rest of the drive.

That experience with James changed me in such a powerful way. It knocked down every protective wall I had. When something that bad happens, you have no choice but to be open and exposed. When I got to hold him and experience the peace...I will never forget that face and that moment. Such a tiny soul made such a big change.

So, of course, I scrapped it. Because that is what I do. I downloaded the lyrics and printed them for the background. The journaling reads: Just 9 1/2 lbs. Only 7 days. But you had a profound effect on me. The walls are down forever.

It is healing to put this all on paper. To say "this happened" and here is how I feel about it. To have that good cry as you type out your blog post for the day. So I encourage you to do the same about something painful or scary. If you need more inspiration, visit Rebecca at her new blog Outside the Box! She asked if I wouldn't mind sharing my In Awe layout and I gladly agreed to. There are some other wonderful, real layouts up.

It reminds me that life is full of ups and downs, ranges of emotion.

It reminds me that this is much more than just paper.


  1. Amazing post and such a beautiful layout!

    Have a wonderful trip!

  2. Beautiful and healing page Stacey, there is always a moment in time that changes us forever. I am so sad for yours and their loss. I hope a bright new beginning is waiting for each of you.

  3. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

  4. Wow. I have nothing more to say. Hugs to you and your family.

  5. This is an amazing post, and an equally amazing page. TFS, Stacey.

  6. absolutely beautiful, Stacey. I know it will still be painful but I hope that with time you will all find the comfort and peace you need. Loss is such a horrible, difficult thing. Your pages about this experience have been so touching. Thank you for sharing that with us. I hope you have a wonderful time at CHA! We'll miss you at the Nook while you're away!!

  7. You are such an inspiration to me....thank you for sharing this time in your life with us and taking steps to heaing!!!! Enjoy your trip....Nana will be doing a wonderful job!!!!! Take lots of pics and most imporant...take time for you!!!! :)

  8. Loved your post girl. That layout is spectacular btw!!!

  9. Beautiful, Thanks for sharing your thoughts

  10. that page is stunning stacey!!!! Brilliant idea very inspirational

  11. Such a moving and beautiful story and page. Have a great time at CHA. Vee (Veronica tried to talk me into going, but no babysitter for me so.)

  12. Wow, your LO is absolutely amazing! Thank you for sharing your journey with us, stacey.

  13. Wow - what a beautiful LO, Stacey. The lyrics are perfect! Thank you for sharing your story with us ... (((hugs)))

  14. What an amazing tribute! Thank you so much for sharing this story and the healing power of scrapbooking!


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